Over the years several friends have berated me for being too hard on myself, not believing in myself enough, and not feeling that I deserve good things and happiness.
Add to that a couple of retrenchments (nothing makes you feel rejected and not good enough like unemployment), my tendency to depression, and the rotten financial situation I find myself in, and you might begin to understand why I choose to just go with the flow rather than step up and stand up for myself.
With a bit of help, I hope that this will soon change. And how do I plan to change it? From 18 September I’ll be attending the Vibrant Life workshop, which promises the bolster my confidence and esteem.
In April Telana Simpson tweeted something that caught my eye.
I asked “What would you consider “talent”, and what does unlocking it entail? 🙂”. She mailed me more information, but as I’d just started the process of sequestration, I decided that I had more important things to focus on.
August was the most ridiculous month I’ve lived through in a long time. When Telana sent me a message that her last Vibrant Life workshop for the year takes place this month, I really wanted to attend, but my circumstances have not much improved since April. But a line from the website really rung true for me: “It’s so frustrating to feel so self-conscious that you hold yourself back, can’t contribute at work and end up hiding your potential.” There are days I feel like I know what I talk about, and that I am in control of my life, but these are few and far between.
After a brief exchange with Telana, she suggested that we do a trade exchange – I will benefit from the course, and by telling my readers about this, they will also have the opportunity to discover their self-worth; women so often, and so easily, forget that (to use the L’Oreal pay-off line) “you’re worth it” – whatever “it” may be.
I’m at a point where, despite diligently taking my antidepressants, I can’t help but take things personally; feeling like I’m not good at anything; never in the mood to do anything social; stop wearing makeup because I’ll probably just end up crying it all off anyway.
Then, when you read something like “Imagine being productive and accountable, with respect and love for yourself, and that great feeling of being in control of your life, capable and confident and worthy”, you wonder whether you could really be like that.
Telana says you just need to learn how.
So I hope to learn how to be more confident, how to trust myself and my feelings (and not let the latter control me), and how to focus on the positive.
If you are in Johannesburg, feel like you can relate to this rambling post, and want to make a change in your life that should improve every aspect of it, please sign up for this course (registrations close on Monday 16 September). We can compare notes, laugh (and probably cry) together, and build our support systems. You can also follow @InnerCoaching for more updates, workshops, and inspiration.
Fifteen years ago I was cheeky, care-free, extroverted, confident– still with my dark side, but containing it exceptionally well for most part. I’m hoping that after this four-week workshop, I will have some of that confidence back.