16 Responses

  1. Jacqui Malpass
    Jacqui Malpass at |

    We met online (oh yes!), we went for a walk, he was supposed to come to dinner at my house a week later – he couldn’t find my house and went home – for nearly a year we had odd casual dates – then one day we clicked and on 6th Dec 2012 we married.

    I know I make it sound simple, but phew it wasn’t and then one day it was.

    I hated the whole pub thing, being groped and drunken exchanges and I loved the online researching, chatting, meeting, running away, finding new friends and that you could set expectations before you met. ‘So, here’s the plan, we meet for coffee, if we don’t want to take it further, after an hour we say thanks but no thanks’ Very empowering and I did have many a laugh.

    Good luck in your quest.

    Reply
    1. Syllable
      Syllable at |

      This sounds amazing! I hate the club/pub scene too; I’ve never been anything that even remotely resembles a party animal. Thanks Jacqui, this is encouraging 🙂

      Reply
  2. Ana
    Ana at |

    I think dating is pretty awkward too – a kind of necessary evil though if you don’t want to live the rest of your life alone – or maybe you do – who’s to be the judge of that if you do?

    Loads of things in life that are worth having are not easy though. Is love worth a bit of awkwardness? I like to think so.

    Maybe shorter dates would help – like meeting for coffee or something. It’s not like you have to approach every date as a mission to find a potential life partner – just “Could I have fun with this person or not?”

    And if you want to do something different and enjoy the experience try one of the date ideas I gathered together here: http://lovefromana.com/best-first-date-ideas/

    Who knows you might enjoy it more than you think.

    Now, meeting guys that’s another essay…where are they all hiding?

    Reply
    1. Syllable
      Syllable at |

      Hey Ana. Finding the guys isn’t my biggest problem, since I’m not actually looking, but I do have to make that shift in head space about meeting them/giving them a chance…

      Reply
  3. Angie Schaffer
    Angie Schaffer at |

    See! I told you not to trash this post. I love it. 😀

    Dating is hard. Most of the guys I have dated have been complete nut jobs. Indeed, I did a series of “Weird Ex” stories on my Facebook statuses a while back. And it made me sad that I have such a bad track record.

    My current boyfriend has actually been my best friend since high school. Yep. We dated on and off for several years and finally decided to just settle down and limit my access to any more psychotic and pathetic horror stories. 😉

    Reply
    1. Syllable
      Syllable at |

      I think my internal chemistry set is broken; I don’t feel a spark about guys any more. Actually, there’s not even piqued interest… I’m worried that I’ve become unavailable to any potential match through this “thing” with my friend. My friends believe I have; I’d like to think I’m open to opportunities, but it doesn’t seem likely. So I’m kind of stuck…

      Reply
  4. Moosa
    Moosa at |

    I really feel for you (ladies). But I have to agree as well that it is tough out there and coming from a guy, guys are more afraid of you than you are of them. Yes there is the good, the bad and the ugly. The good guys are dull and boring, the bad guys are exciting and give you a rush..along with another 5 or 10 other women (give or take a few) and then there’s the ugly, or more accurately: creepy nut jobs.

    I’m sure you’re wondering “why can’t I have a bit of both?” and you very well can, just be careful because if you try to make a good guy bad, he might end up liking it a lot and not want to be good anymore and if you try to make a bad boy good, well that’s never going to happen! it will only end in tears I’m afraid.

    In my humble opinion, there’s nothing wrong with you. You’re in love (no need to apologize for it or explain yourself, it is what it is you cannot help the way you feel) and its a tough situation to be in when the other person does not feel the same and the harsh reality is that you need to move on. The world is a big place and there are just too many interesting people out there to cut yourself of from. From experience, the best (and sometimes worst place) to meet new people is through friends (friends who would take a bullet for you and not feed you to the lions for a laugh). They know you best, your likes and dislikes, your personality and character and they may happen to stumble upon someone they know who is worthy of you. I chose my words carefully here because a lot of my single female friends who have been single for a long time start to feel unworthy of a relationship. I can promise you that there is someone out there who is ready and willing to appreciate and respect you as you deserve to be.

    You don’t have to go into the dating scene “blind”, you can make it fun with your friends for example ask them for profiles of potential suitors. Ask for pictures, profession, where he is from, likes, dislikes as much information as can be made available and from there you can weed out the bad and the ugly. And remember, you can always make the good guy bad 😉

    Reply
    1. Syllable
      Syllable at |

      I don’t feel like there’s something wrong with me, aside from not being keen to move from my comfort zone, and that’s human nature. Thanks for the comment.

      Reply
      1. Moosa
        Moosa at |

        My sincere apologies for the misinterpretation. Either way, good luck with moving forward 🙂

        Reply
  5. shereesmusings
    shereesmusings at |

    Your vulnerability is refreshing and your best friend is blessed to have you in his life. Whatever happens.

    Reply
  6. chamaradh
    chamaradh at |

    I find it eternally interesting that you have mentioned over thinking here. I have come to realize that a number of people (self included) have a tendency to do this…it’s like a curse that stems from a lack of self confidence. What I can say to anyone out there though is that the key to finding that person you truly long for is to first love yourself completely… and let it flow from there

    Reply
  7. Robi
    Robi at |

    My dude and I have been together for just over 7 years. We’ve known each other for 9. We met because my older sister and his older brother started dating. (They are now married with 2 kids.)

    He fell in love with me first. He was 20. I was 15 and really not interested. He’s very shy and the thought of talking to me back then made him want to vomit with nerves. (Aww, but also euw.) I’m outgoing and will talk to anyone. After rejecting him a few months after meeting him, he told me he’d wait for me to change my mind. I laughed and laughed. And then, 2 years later, just as I was about to finish matric it hit me, I love this guy. And we’ve been together ever since.

    Last November he proposed and this November we’ll be tying the knot.

    With regards to the early dating phase, we spent a lot of time with our siblings because it was just easier. When we were alone, it was a lot of walking and talking. Mostly at the Waterfront or in a mall. Somewhere not too noisy. I talk a lot while walking so it worked out well. The walking happened with the intention of watching a movie but there was always chatting before and after.

    Oh, and on the food issue, I find a schnitzel is always a safe bet. 😉

    Reply
    1. Syllable
      Syllable at |

      You win the award for the best comment. It made me LOL – literally. Thanks for sharing!

      Reply
      1. Robi
        Robi at |

        You are very welcome. 🙂

        *All above-mentioned occurrences were 100% true. No names were changed to protect identity.*

        Reply
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