A reminder of the sum total

This is a reworked/repost from my personal blog, which I’ve given up on some time ago (it turned into a dark pit of despair and I need to be reminded of the good and happy, so I focus on SITC).

I’ve been wanting to get a tattoo for a long time, but there were a few things preventing me to do so. One is design, another location, and another cost.

The first image I’ve wanted for a tattoo is a grasshopper, but I can’t find a design I like. And I’ve thought about having it done on my foot/ankle, but I’m not sure.

About two and a half years ago I got a new idea. I still want the grasshopper (the reason for this particular insect will be explained in a later post), but for now I want a simple black symbol on my left wrist: capital Sigma.

Project sigma

Upper case sigma is used as a symbol for the summation (the operation of combining a sequence of numbers using addition; the result is their sum or total) operator.

Capital Sigma

The last nine years have not been easy for me, and I get depressed about my circumstances very often. It doesn’t help that with my natural tendency (thanks genes) to depression I’ve decided in December 2011 that I’m going to deal with my black dog unaided by medication. So far so good, thanks to a great support system, and finally finding a job that doesn’t feel like it’s sucking the will to live from my soul. But it’s not always easy. So I’ve decided that I need a constant and visual reminder that although my life has been rather miserable more often than not, I am the sum total of it – the good, the bad, and the downright horrendous – and that I turned out a very good person despite (or maybe because of) it. I like the person I am; I’d be friends with me (if I didn’t live inside my head), and everything I’ve been through has contributed to shaping my personality. I am very flawed – I’m not ignorant of this, but it’s just a part of who I am, and for the most part I’m a decent person.

That still leaves the last obstacle. Part of my less-than-ideal circumstances is being in debt counselling. Being retrenched twice, having a company liquidated from under you without severance or even just the salary for the month you’ve just slaved away for, is not good for solvency. I’ve had to make desperate and downright crazy decisions to keep my car and some kind of normal existence, and for the last two years I’ve been in the process of getting control back. It’s going to take a long time still, but I’m taking responsibility for my choices.

As a result I’ve become more focused on what’s important and what matters, and I refuse to spend money on getting inked while I have debt.

At least I have my daily sigma reminder every time I open an Excel spreadsheet in the meantime. 🙂

1 Comment

  1. geewhiskerscharleneharlene

    A very brave post. Thanks for sharing, I know it must be tough. But I am sure there are many people out there who will find strength from this post. XXX


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2021 Reading Challenge

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Martha has completed her goal of reading 120 books in 2021!